I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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