Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
