Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
You work out of a Hotel?
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Randomize
