we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
