just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
