no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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