Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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