I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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