i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
