I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
