my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
