i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
