I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
17 year olds will be the death of me.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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