Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
And then he peed in my hair
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