my phone needs a breathalizer
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
