Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
