forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize