Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
