We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
