You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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