if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
