pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
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