just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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