then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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