She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
