I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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