I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
She needs sedatives and a leash
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
