What did we do last night that was yellow?
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
