do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
