I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
