ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize