I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
