Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
