Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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