Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Randomize
