A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
bring money and cleavage
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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