he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
