I want to stick my p in your. b.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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