What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Four minutes until I can fart!
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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