dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
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