those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
