I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
