is wine microwaveable?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
