my sisters under your porch take her home
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
