I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
