She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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