he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
