i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
