There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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