look no pants
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
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