After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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