Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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