you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
