he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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