Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
