Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
