I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
she told me i tasted like america
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
