Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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