I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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