Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
