honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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