I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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