in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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