so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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