It's like a parade of train wrecks.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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