Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
