I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
