Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize