dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
