I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
