I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize
